Saturday, July 25, 2009

Peach is the color....complicated is the issue

So we had a wedding to attend this past Saturday. This is what I wore. I guess I didn't get a full shot of the dress, it stops like a inch below my knees. My husband actually got me this dress about a year into just dating. I had seen it at Charlotte Russe, he knew I liked it and so he brought it for me! He is very sweet! I love the peach shade of this dress! It's a simple design yet I think pretty and would be flattering on most. I put my new cream short sleeve sweater (u've seen b4 with the detailed back) over it for the wedding. Both pieces from Charlotte Russe. Also, my pearl and bow bracelet is from Forever 21. It was like $4.80 or something! Very good deal! They always have fun accessories with great prices!

Below is just to show you how the dress looks without the sweater

So, I have an important lunch with an old friend coming up! I'm a bit nervous about it. I haven't seen her in forever. Here is a brief run down why: She is actually my "old best friend's" mom. She was like a second mom to me, and a lot of my childhood from elementary school to a little after high school was spent at their home. Her daughter, which I will refer to just as "P" and I were like sisters, inseparable.....until she met this guy....and it all went down hill from there.

It's not just that him and I don't get along....I have even tried reaching out to him and making several efforts to let him get a chance to get to know me....but no he wasn't having that! Sadly, he made it so "P" wouldn't be able to hang out with her friends anymore. My friend "R" and "P" and myself were like the 3 musketeers. Until he decided she should only hang out with him, he began to control every aspect of her life, who she could see, what she could do with her time, where she could go....everything. You see "P" had trouble with self-esteem that's how he wiggled his way into her life.

Oh, he was charming at first, did sweet things for her, said the things she wanted to hear, and then after a just a little while into the relationship it all changed. But she was already in love at that point, already hooked to this guy, couldn't live without him, so she let him take bits and pieces away from her life. To the point where she had no control over her own life! As you can tell, that is an unhealthy relationship, sadly it gets worse. He hit her one day......I wasn't around obviously, or it wouldn't have happened.....he says he is sorry....that it will never happen again. That he isn't that type of guy! A month or two happens again.....she wasn't openly honest with us about it until later. It gets to the point where he says basically he would have no reason to live on anymore if she left him.....she loves him so she didn't want him doing anything harmful to himself.....she didn't want to see him suffer! And guess what he ends up proposing to her she says yes, they schedule a wedding date....start planning things....then about 2 months into being engaged he convinces her to go to the court house and get married without anybody knowing, not even her parents!! She goes along with it, comes home tells her parents (whom she lived with) guess what we just got married! he didn't even want anyone their for that! I think he just wanted to have her tied to him before she woke up and realized that he was absolutely no good for her!

At this point, even though "R" and I have tried to stay friends with her, and help her in anyway we could. We wanted her safe....are friendship had dissolved. Then a few months into marriage I tried to reach out to her and thought, even though I can't do anything about her marriage I still wanted to be there for her in anyway I can so she feels she has someone she can turn to if she needed. So after a lot of persuading he allows her to let me come and see her during the times he is at work. Can you believe it "allows" her?? Also she had to make sure she did her chores around the house b4 she was allowed that privilege! Oh my goodness!! If I took her anywhere it was only to get something to eat, but she was required to bring it back home and eat there. I'm sorry this story is long.....but this is the short version!!

Then a few events happen:

-her dad dies of cancer, she was close and didn't even show up for the actual funeral, even though she lived just down the road. We were all shocked by not seeing her there

-I'm engaged at this point, I still ask her to be my maid of honor...I don't have any sisters and it was always set in stone we would be in each others wedding. She wants to, but her husband says no....he doesn't want her walking down the aisle arm in arm with another guy!!! Jealously!!!

-Even though I was so hurt by that, I still kept trying to be there for her, she actually reached out to me and "R" on a few occasions asking us, without us pushing or anything to help her leave this guy. I even stayed the night with her for several nights at her moms house to help her get though it...bought all her favorite things....was there by her side through it all....she was being so strong too...we were so amazed she had finally realized how miserable she was, how scared, and abused

-about 5 days later.....he wins her back......we have no idea how he does this, but she goes back to's so hard to see someone you care about so deeply go through all this heartache, and still nothing you can do can truly help without her being strong enough to leave him

- we talk here in there, she says she's happy for my upcoming wedding

Wedding day: I have a in loving memory thing for her dad. Her whole family shows up....she said she would meet them there....she never shows

I can't tell you how badly this hurt still hurts me to this day, this cut is raw and deep and never seems to heal. I've sadly been avoiding her mom, even though she understands, I haven't seen her because "P" and her husband had to sell their house and move in with her mom. So I can't go see this lady whose been a huge part of my life because I'm scared to face her daughter. this may sound awfully strange to you all, but I just can't get over it.

She was the closest thing I had to a sister. I stood by her through everything. From 2nd graders to age 22. How can a friend like that not show up for the biggest day in your life?? She knew how important that day was to me, and how I wanted her there, even through everything. I gave her no reason to not come. I know I'm not perfect, but I was the best friend she could always count on...

I sent her a message online, because I couldn't bare to see her, I asked how could she? Because at that point she had never called to explain or anything. She responded through an email and basically said it was my fault she didn't come...because everyone would be staring at her because they would know she was supposed to be up there on stage next to me....and because she looks foreign she always thinks everyone looks at her....its ridiculous....I told hardly anyone the one would know, and it wasn't my fault she wasn't up there, it was her choice to "obey" her husband. I wanted her to be my maid of honor......and for crying out was my wedding day, most people look at the bride on that day not someone sitting along with 150 other people!! She had to make that day about her......she has a way of making everything about her......but my wedding day??? That's not right...

Anyway, I was not expecting to go on like this, but since I mentioned I was having lunch with her mom, it made me want to tell the story....... I'm nervous because when I go to pick her up, "P" will most likely be there, and we haven't spoken since those 2 emails a week or two after my wedding, so it's been at least a year. Please pray about this if you do pray....or wish me luck if that's your thing! Thanks for following this rather long post!

I hope you all don't think I'm crazy, and I hope you were able to follow along with this....I know sometimes when I ramble, it doesn't make sense! I will let you know how it goes! Have any of you had friendships like this? Or a long-time friendship thats crumbled in another way?
Oh, and thank you for all your sweet comments on my last post!


Linda said...

I read all your post. I really hope that it works out with your friend. That is so sad that your long time friendship had to go that way.
I really hope things will get better with your friend. It really is unhealthy for her. And yes, I will pray for you and your friend.

I also wanted to say that I love the color of your dress. It's so nice, and it looks really good on you :-)

Jessica said...

Well, I hope things will turn out for the best between you and your friend. It sucks when friendships that started well ends on a sour note. I just hope you guys can work things out.

The dress looks really good on you! :)

Sherin said...

Gosh, thats such a sad story. Its awful when age old friendships break because of a guy. He sounds very manipulative. I really hope your friend realises what kind of a guy he really is and has the courage to walk away.

Oh, and that dress looks great on you!

Cheryl said...

What a beautiful dress and color!

I connect with your story. I had a friend who is like that and until now she's having a miserable life. Can't leave the guy because of the children and because she's financially dependent on him.

We believed her when she told us that she had broken up with him way back when were still in college but she was still seeing the guy behind our backs.

I really don't know if that's love or craziness on her part.

I hope for the best and may your friend will finally have the courage something good and decisive for her own sake and self-worth.

A said...

love the dress and the colour!


Anonymous said...

Your friend sounds like an idiot, just quietly. She obviously has deeper issues if she acts like that with her partner.


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